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My most recent trip to the pet store left me scratching my head. More specifically, I was scratching my head over how many different types of food there are on the store shelves.

There’s Science Diet, which is formulated by leading veterinarians. There’s Iams, which is not formulated by vets. There the tried and true Purina, which is formulated by lumberjacks. I’m kidding on the last one but you get the idea.

There are so many different brands and varieties, all of which say they’re the best that it makes it difficult to decide which one to buy. I usually buy the forty pound bag of Purina All Natural food. It’s cheap and I hear the commercials and think that it’s good stuff. At least, that’s what the marketing departments are trying to tell us.

And my cats don’t help either. The least they can do is tell me exactly what they want and I’ll get that brand every time. We’ve tried feeding them the pate style wet food but they thumb their noses at it like some stuck-up French aristocrat. It’s either the meaty chunky style or nothing.

Now, I don’t know about you, but my cats will eat just about anything. I have three at home, two of which will eat anything from brownies to cheese puffs to whole wheat bread. And before there’s a panic, I don’t drop a plate of just-baked Duncan Hines in front of them. Just a small piece and not all the time. They’re pretty finicky when it comes to food and they don’t always eat the ham sandwich I make for them (I think it’s the Grey Poupon I put on it).

So exactly which cat food is the best? As far as I’m concerned, it’s the cheapest one. Instead of my usual brand, I bought Purina This-Stuff-Was-On-The-Floor Cat Chow. It’s got a cute label and it’s under twelve dollars for a one ton bag. Buy in bulk is my motto.

In the end, I expect them to eat whatever I put down on the floor in front of them. Of course, that all changes when they arrive to the dinner table, knife and fork in paw.